The Movie: A Wasted Opportunity

[Ketman]

I rented the DVD and watched it for the first time a few days ago. I wanted to see it because I'd read a lot of one-star reviews on Amazon, which puzzled me. Previously I'd read Don Macpherson's 1995 script, which is on the TAF site as well as on Avengers Declassified (so I assume it's the only one in the public domain). I was quite impressed by it, and I wondered if the final film could really be that bad.

And it should be said right off that it isn't that bad. Not much of the 1995 script got through to the screen, but even as it was, I'd have given the result 3 stars. Plotwise it was a mess, but it had some good scenes in it. And some nice little touches you might not even notice if you aren't paying attention. There was one little gem where Eddie Izzard puts on Steed's bowler and looks exactly like Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange. I'm sure that was deliberate. And the sequence recalling The House that Jack Built, where Emma gets trapped in a maze of rooms and spiral staircases was very effective. There are all kinds of things to notice and admire. Overall it's mediocre, but it's not rubbish either. And if I hadn't read the early script, I'd just have left it at that.

But I have read it, and my deep disappointment comes from knowing what this film *could* have been. Because it's a quality script. Only ten minutes into it I was satisfied that Macpherson was coming from the right place. He knows his Avengers, knows what makes it work, knows the style and the milieu. Remember the opening scene in the film where Steed strolls through a village being attacked by various assailants, and it turns out it's just his regular test to see if he's still up to scratch? And you think, well, meh. Compare it to Macpherson's original opening...

-----------------------------------------------
BLUE SKY WITH CLOUDS

PAN DOWN to reveal:


2 EXT - SALTFLATS - DAY

A flat horizon, stretching to infinity.

A 360 degree pan reveals: nothing. Deserted, no hiding places. No animals, no
humans, no objects. Except in mid distance --


3 RED PHONE BOX

brightly painted, traditional, comforting, belongs in a village green. Perfectly
ordinary -- except for its location.

Silence. Only the wind over the plain. Except --

The PHONE RINGS.

RING-RING ... a mellow, old-fashioned tone. We wait for someone to answer it. But
of course nothing and nobody for miles. Except --


4 IN DISTANCE

a CAR ENGINE ... A puff of smoke on the horizon ... VA-VA-VOOM of high geared
acceleration, as INTO VIEW

ZOOM! --


5 CAR

speeding like a bullet. Driven at maximum, breakneck speed, 125 mph. A petite open
top '65 Lotus Elan, all streamlined curves, full throttle, it nears the phone box, and --

SCREECHES to a halt.

Dust clears, ENGINE NOISE FADES. From the seat, hops --


6 KINKY BOOT

in black leather.

Buckled. Strap at ankle. Crunching into the ground.
PAN UP TO:


7 BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

late 20's. In CLOSEUPS of -- Tight black leather catsuit. A flash of auburn hair.
Black leather like a second skin. Smoothed over legs, thighs. Buckled at wrists, straps
at ankles, zips --

Pulled up over flesh. This is EMMA PEEL, scientist. Sexual, invulnerable, cool. Very
cool. She locks up at clouds in the sky. Then steps across to the phone box. Picks up
the phone.

EMMA
How now brown cow ...
(pause)
The rain in Spain falls mainly
on the plain ...
(pause)
The quick brown fox jumped over
the lazy --

From the receiver, an irritated official voice.

VOICE (V.O.)
(filtered)
Password affirmative. Thank you,
Doctor.

Emma puts down receiver. Hangs a cardboard outside the phone box. Then presses
button bakelite box.

A second's wait. A coin from the slot. Then a HUM as --


8 INSIDE PHONE BOX

the floor lowers automatically. Emma disappears. Hanging outside the box, a notice
now reads "Out of Order."

Next to the call box we notice a sign: an arrow pointing into the desert: "London 84
miles."
-----------------------------------------------

Leaving aside the fact that it's visually a much more arresting opening, the elements of mystery are on a very different level from the mystery of why Steed is fighting his way through an English village, which is solved two minutes later. This is a scene that disorientates the viewer in the best Avengers tradition. Why is there a telephone box in middle of the desert, and why is there a desert only 84 miles from London? It's as baffling as The Hour that Never Was, where the clocks have stopped and a functioning RAF base is as empty as the Marie Celeste. But disorientating the audience is too terrifying a prospect for the money men who butchered this film. The villains have to be identified as soon as possible, so we can say "Here are the good guys, here are the bad guys, let's see who wins". It's the same tendency that mars the Rigg colour episodes (which I complained about in the "Where was Clemens Going thread") but pushed to a greater extreme. Without mystery it's just Die Hard in funny clothes.

Macpherson had a completely different idea. In his script, August de Wynter isn't the villain. In fact he's wiped out early on. Behind him there are other forces, and behind them still others. He takes us on a journey where the layers are peeled away, mystery within mystery. It's a well-crafted conspiracy, and to say that it's finally implausible to a massive extent is just to say what is true of all Avengers conspiracies. Who even remembers the solution to The Hour That Never Was? I don't, and I watched it only two months ago. A far-fetched plot can be made gripping if it's presented to us with skill and conviction. The original script had plenty of both, but by the time it reached the screen most of it was gone. It's a shame.

[Frankymole]

Who even remembers the solution to The Hour That Never Was? I don't, and I watched it only two months ago.

It's been a good few years since I've seen it, but I think it was the base dentist, who had discovered a certain harmonic frequency (accidentally, when using his drill) useful for hypnotising airmen to become "sleeper" agents as they were posted away from the base. Presumably making a packet off some enemy power. No?

Uma Peel's pronunciation of "How now, brown cow" always makes me want to scream.

[mousemeat]

I rented the DVD and watched it for the first time a few days ago. I wanted to see it because I'd read a lot of one-star reviews on Amazon, which puzzled me. Previously I'd read Don Macpherson's 1995 script, which is on the TAF site as well as on Avengers Declassified (so I assume it's the only one in the public domain). I was quite impressed by it, and I wondered if the final film could really be that bad.

And it should be said right off that it isn't that bad. Not much of the 1995 script got through to the screen, but even as it was, I'd have given the result 3 stars. Plotwise it was a mess, but it had some good scenes in it. And some nice little touches you might not even notice if you aren't paying attention. There was one little gem where Eddie Izzard puts on Steed's bowler and looks exactly like Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange. I'm sure that was deliberate. And the sequence recalling The House that Jack Built, where Emma gets trapped in a maze of rooms and spiral staircases was very effective. There are all kinds of things to notice and admire. Overall it's mediocre, but it's not rubbish either. And if I hadn't read the early script, I'd just have left it at that.

But I have read it, and my deep disappointment comes from knowing what this film *could* have been. Because it's a quality script. Only ten minutes into it I was satisfied that Macpherson was coming from the right place. He knows his Avengers, knows what makes it work, knows the style and the milieu. Remember the opening scene in the film where Steed strolls through a village being attacked by various assailants, and it turns out it's just his regular test to see if he's still up to scratch? And you think, well, meh. Compare it to Macpherson's original opening...

-----------------------------------------------
BLUE SKY WITH CLOUDS

PAN DOWN to reveal:


2 EXT - SALTFLATS - DAY

A flat horizon, stretching to infinity.

A 360 degree pan reveals: nothing. Deserted, no hiding places. No animals, no
humans, no objects. Except in mid distance --


3 RED PHONE BOX

brightly painted, traditional, comforting, belongs in a village green. Perfectly
ordinary -- except for its location.

Silence. Only the wind over the plain. Except --

The PHONE RINGS.

RING-RING ... a mellow, old-fashioned tone. We wait for someone to answer it. But
of course nothing and nobody for miles. Except --


4 IN DISTANCE

a CAR ENGINE ... A puff of smoke on the horizon ... VA-VA-VOOM of high geared
acceleration, as INTO VIEW

ZOOM! --


5 CAR

speeding like a bullet. Driven at maximum, breakneck speed, 125 mph. A petite open
top '65 Lotus Elan, all streamlined curves, full throttle, it nears the phone box, and --

SCREECHES to a halt.

Dust clears, ENGINE NOISE FADES. From the seat, hops --


6 KINKY BOOT

in black leather.

Buckled. Strap at ankle. Crunching into the ground.
PAN UP TO:


7 BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

late 20's. In CLOSEUPS of -- Tight black leather catsuit. A flash of auburn hair.
Black leather like a second skin. Smoothed over legs, thighs. Buckled at wrists, straps
at ankles, zips --

Pulled up over flesh. This is EMMA PEEL, scientist. Sexual, invulnerable, cool. Very
cool. She locks up at clouds in the sky. Then steps across to the phone box. Picks up
the phone.

EMMA
How now brown cow ...
(pause)
The rain in Spain falls mainly
on the plain ...
(pause)
The quick brown fox jumped over
the lazy --

From the receiver, an irritated official voice.

VOICE (V.O.)
(filtered)
Password affirmative. Thank you,
Doctor.

Emma puts down receiver. Hangs a cardboard outside the phone box. Then presses
button bakelite box.

A second's wait. A coin from the slot. Then a HUM as --


8 INSIDE PHONE BOX

the floor lowers automatically. Emma disappears. Hanging outside the box, a notice
now reads "Out of Order."

Next to the call box we notice a sign: an arrow pointing into the desert: "London 84
miles."
-----------------------------------------------

Leaving aside the fact that it's visually a much more arresting opening, the elements of mystery are on a very different level from the mystery of why Steed is fighting his way through an English village, which is solved two minutes later. This is a scene that disorientates the viewer in the best Avengers tradition. Why is there a telephone box in middle of the desert, and why is there a desert only 84 miles from London? It's as baffling as The Hour that Never Was, where the clocks have stopped and a functioning RAF base is as empty as the Marie Celeste. But disorientating the audience is too terrifying a prospect for the money men who butchered this film. The villains have to be identified as soon as possible, so we can say "Here are the good guys, here are the bad guys, let's see who wins". It's the same tendency that mars the Rigg colour episodes (which I complained about in the "Where was Clemens Going thread") but pushed to a greater extreme. Without mystery it's just Die Hard in funny clothes.

Macpherson had a completely different idea. In his script, August de Wynter isn't the villain. In fact he's wiped out early on. Behind him there are other forces, and behind them still others. He takes us on a journey where the layers are peeled away, mystery within mystery. It's a well-crafted conspiracy, and to say that it's finally implausible to a massive extent is just to say what is true of all Avengers conspiracies. Who even remembers the solution to The Hour That Never Was? I don't, and I watched it only two months ago. A far-fetched plot can be made gripping if it's presented to us with skill and conviction. The original script had plenty of both, but by the time it reached the screen most of it was gone. It's a shame.

sadly, the potential was there..but it was constantly being made over, and more...at the end, the film has so much chaos, WB in the States, wouldn't allowed PRESS screenings for critics, etc...That is a very dismal sign..


again, should have been a much better and exciting film...wasn't too keen on the casting....as well...

[Horatio Kane]

I too think the original script was excellent, and got destroyed by rewrites. Possibly the casting of Sir Sean sounded its death knell, as it created a need to expand the villain's role at the expense of Steed and Emma. You cannot have an 'Avengers' movie where the villain is the most interesting character.

[Dandy Forsdyke]

I think the most interesting character was Tamara (Keeley Hawes). I didn't care for Sean McConnery's huff and piffle.

Uma Peel's pronunciation of "How now, brown cow" always makes me want to scream.

Me too. And every other time she opens her great gob ...

[Sam]

I wouldn't have minded more Tamara!

[Borgus Weems]

Having seen this recently, I was struck by just how "off" the Steed and Peel are. For starters, neither one is charming - there is no chemistry. The Real Steed lights up a room just by walking in the door, whereas the Reel Steed is an introvert and is quiet. The Real Peel is full of energy & intelligence, whereas the Reel Peel seems like she is about to fall asleep. Of the new actors, only Jim Broadbent as Mother really seemed to capture the old vibe (oh, and that Invisible Jones chap is a keeper).

Here is a question for Avengers buffs, though I'm not sure if anybody here will know. Does anybody know if the original script was actually filmed, then largely refilmed, or is the current version fairly close to the longer 150 minute version that was tested? Because I understand that the original version of the film had Winter as a mcguffin who was killed off, and it was another character (Valentine) who was the real mastermind. I'm wondering if Valentine was ever cast, and if their part was filmmed and cut out - OR if as soon as Sean Connery agreed to be in the film, they immediately changed the script - OR if Sean Connery was promoted to the main villain once the original film was tested.

[MRotten]

I too think the original script was excellent, and got destroyed by rewrites. Possibly the casting of Sir Sean sounded its death knell, as it created a need to expand the villain's role at the expense of Steed and Emma. You cannot have an 'Avengers' movie where the villain is the most interesting character.

Good point. With Connery in the picture, he becomes its star, regardless of role or billing. Part of the original show's appeal was that often you didn't know who the villian was until close to the end. The movie makes it clear who the villian is due to the casting. I think that was a fatal error. The movie fails in many ways aside from some interesting, if nonsensical visuals. It illustrates how you can't just stick any British actor into the role of Steed. Fiennes was out of his depth trying to portray a British secret agent. He looked much too thin to be convincing as an action hero. I think he was cast simply because he was "hot" at the time; same goes for Thurman. "Never mind that they are not suited to the roles, we want the latest trendy actors!" is what the movie's casting seems to be saying.

[darren]

It's a very frustrating film. I recall going to a preview screening the day before release at my local now demolished cinema. There were only about five other people with me.

Even at that early stage, it had become obvious that there was a lack of confidence in the film and even before the first scene had ended I could see why.

I do think that it's a bad script even before the editing. It expects the strange world to be instantly accessible. It doesn't invite the audience in. It expect them to understand instantly but as you watch, it's not a world that it especially likeable to be in. McPherson's script takes random favourite elements from the series and plonks them randomly in the script (The house that Jack built scene - Why? it makes no real sense to be there even without the hideous editing - the Bee attack - Why?). The writing of the leads relationship is atrocious, their manner with one another is so unnatural. They've just met yet have conversations of people who know each other. It's a mess. The scale of the scenario is all wrong.

"Avengersland" as the film has it, is a horrible uninviting place for the big screen. The scale just doesn't work. This is an empty world but that results in it being very soul-less. There's no heart, no colour, no life, no energy. The world is in serious danger, in epic, Big SFX proportions but why should we care as no one lives there. It's like a world that has died. There was a disaster in the sixties and now about 30 people live in the world. That was a major issue for me.

Jerry Weintraub getting his son-in-law to direct the film was a poor decision. Nepotism aside, Jeremiah S. Chechik was just so unsuited, he lacks the style, the energy, the flare, the delicate touch, the humour, the sensibility. Even the well respected actors don't come out of this film well. I see actors I know and like and I not feeling anything from their performances, I'm not connecting.

There are elements to the film's production that are superb. The lighting is wonderful, the set design is striking and the score is effective but put together they make an impression that doesn't connect with me in an Avengers way. The Avenges and the 90's was a bad mix.

The best thing to come out of the film was my post reaction to it. It left me feeling that the series wasn't that great. But then I watched a few episodes that I'd previously disregarded like "A funny thing happened on the way..." I was so relieved to see extras on the train:) - that it was actually a fun world to visit.

The film I was hoping for was a film that involved investigation, travelling to different but connected locations meeting, fun characters, fights when peoples toe got trodden on, and it all leading to a fantastic showdown. Full of colour and energy and stylish fun. This film offered none of that. Shame.

[darren]

Here is a question for Avengers buffs, though I'm not sure if anybody here will know. Does anybody know if the original script was actually filmed, then largely refilmed, or is the current version fairly close to the longer 150 minute version that was tested? Because I understand that the original version of the film had Winter as a mcguffin who was killed off, and it was another character (Valentine) who was the real mastermind. I'm wondering if Valentine was ever cast, and if their part was filmmed and cut out - OR if as soon as Sean Connery agreed to be in the film, they immediately changed the script - OR if Sean Connery was promoted to the main villain once the original film was tested.

I read that original script and it deviates heavily from the script they filmed. It was a fascinating read but was only ever the first draft. It went through many rewrites before they got to the one that was filmed - and then heavily butchered in editing - the editing of course did nothing to change what was wrong.