Series 4 — Episode 26
Honey for the Prince

Plot summary

Finding that a dead agent had a cupboard full of honey, the Avengers investigate and discover a plot to assassinate a visiting Prince. Emma joins the Prince’s harem after the dance of the six veils — as she lost count — while Steed investigates Quite, Quite Fantastic Inc., a company that creates your ultimate fantasy — be it mountain climbing, genies in lamps, or the Battle of Waterloo.
The assassin stows away in an enormous jar of honey to get into the harem but Emma disarms him before he can shoot the Prince and they fight with scimitars. Defeated, Vincent reveals Arkadi was behind the plot and Steed finds instructions for Arkadi’s QQF fantasy — “Escape of Arkadi from Pursuing Agents”. Knowing his plan, Emma rubs a genie’s lamp to call a hidden lift and with a puff of smoke Steed appears and knocks Arkadi down.
The Avengers leave on a flying carpet — draped over the back of a utility van.

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Prologue

Two Ministry agents, Westcott (Jon Laurimore) and Reed (Richard Graydon), investigate a Turkish salon. Reed picks up an Aladdin-style lamp and rubs it for a joke. There’s a thunderclap and a burst of smoke, out of which appears Vincent East (Roland Curram), who shoots them with a machine gun. Westcott escapes while Reed slumps against a window through which we see Big Ben…

Act 1

John Steed (Patrick Macnee) and Emma Peel (Diana Rigg) return from an all-night party carrying a balloon and a teddy bear. He pretends to try to throw the bear in the river and she hits him with it, then smiles, wraps her arm around his neck as he puts his arm around her waist and playfully pats his bottom.¹ When they return to his flat, the high spirits evaporate — the flat is a mess, and Emma sees a trail of (very fake) bloody hand prints² then Ronny, who is slumped against the sofa, grabs her arm. He tells them George and he stumbled onto something big, the report is in George’s room. He mumbles “Genie, honey…” then dies; they think he's from Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased) and meant a pretty woman called Jeannie.

STEED: Ring Col. Robertson.³ Tell him what’s happened, arrange to have the body taken away.
EMMA: Where will you be?
STEED: He said there was full report in George’s room. I’ll collect it.

The killer meanwhile finds Reed’s wallet and shows it to his employer, Arkadi (George Pastell), who tells him all traces must be eliminated. Vincent gets to Reed’s flat first and burns the papers just before Steed arrives. Steed discovers him and they fight, East escaping when Steed sends him crashing through the window and he tumbles to the street below. Steed then discovers that Reed had an entire cupboard full of jars of honey.

The postman (Reg Pritchard) delivers a package to Steed’s place that Emma opens — another jar of honey — while Steed starts emptying the jars one by one, looking for a clue.

Vincent reports back to Arkadi who tells him to visit the honey shop, and to take Bernie (Peter Diamond) with him. After they go, his Eurasian masseuse (Carmen Dene) approaches and gives him a cigar.

Emma arrives at the honey shop first and meets the owner, the effusive B. Bumble (Ken Parry).

BUMBLE: Treat my bees like children you know. Happy bees make bumper honey! Yes, like children. one of them has a bad knee at the moment. I may have to operate.

She asks to send two jars, holding up the jar Steed received, to a friend. Vincent and Bernie enter and hear her ask after George Reed. When she says it was posted the day before yesterday Bumble tells he it’s impossible, he had been at the Barabian embassy that day and the shop was shut. She departs and Bernie is sent after her while Vincent pulls out a snub-nose revolver and orders Bumble behind the counter.

Steed meanwhile has emptied every jar — the phone rings, Ponsonby Hopkirk from the QQF asking Reed if he would mind changing the time of his appointment. Steed pretends to be Reed and agrees then, feigning forgetfulness, obtains the address. When he arrives he finds himself in the Turkish salon where Reed was killed.⁴ A morose man is waiting there, dressed as Napoleon, and he ignores Steed when he speaks to him, but raises the glimmer of a smile when Steed tries again in French.

Hopkirk (Ron Moody) enters and apologises for the delay and welcomes Steed to the QQF. He takes Steed’s coat and notes his dinner jacket, suggesting might want to be a band leader or beat a casino. When Steed just looks baffled he offers him a drink and rubs the lamp — a puff of smoke and a dusky siren appears, bearing a goblet on a platter. Steed starts when Hopkirk proudly asks him what he thinks of his “genie”. Steed is even more startled when she disappears again in another puff of smoke.

HOPKIRK: Capital, excellent … if you need anything else just rub
(HOLDS UP LAMP)
HOPKIRK (cont’d): Live up to our name eh? The Q.Q.F.
STEED: Oh … quite.
HOPKIRK: Quite, Quite Fantastic. Now if you’ll just excuse me … I have to go and climb the Matterhorn!

Vincent reports back to Arkadi, who is still being massaged. Arkadi is pleased that Bernie has been sent after Emma but when Bernie gets to Steed’s flat Emma sees the gun under his hat and takes cover behind the door, then throws him down the stairs. Bernie shoots himself in the tumble and collapses after rising to his feet to face her.

Act 2

Steed meanwhile is joined by a cowboy who is sent off to the O.K. Corral when Hopkirk returns from the Matterhorn with a climber. Napoleon departs for Waterloo, leaving Steed with Hopkirk.

Hopkirk explains the QQF — Quite, Quite Fantastic, Incorporated — will create his most repressed desires and let him live them; it was born of his own childhood desire to live in the Arabian Nights and shows that the lamp rings a bell in the cellar when rubbed. Once done, he realised the commercial possibilities and delivers fantasies to clients with a few simple theatrical tricks.

Napoleon returns, gunpowder smeared and dejected, and Hopkirk wishes him better luck next time then turns back to Steed. He tries to determine his wish — an intrepid trapper? a cavalryman at Balaclava? then briefly seems to know who Steed really is:

HOPKIRK: Got it! You’re a secret agent. Yes indeed, ideal for you … licenced to kill — pitting your wits against a diabolical mastermind.⁵ Make a change from your everyday humdrum existence wouldn’t it?

Steed asks for the same fantasy that Ronny Westcott asked for — Hopkirk is surprised but agrees to set it up — then reveals it’s Chief Eunuch in a harem! Steed returns home and, seeing a pair of shoes poking out from behind the sofa, calls Colonel Robertson to complain about the body not being removed yet.

He soon discovers it’s another body — Bernie’s — then finds a note reading “PLAY ME” on his tape player. He plays the tape and learns Emma has returned to the honey shop, where she had seen Bernie earlier. Emma meanwhile discovers Bumble is dead, but he’s clutching a clue — Vincent East’s application form to the QQF.

Vincent and Arkadi are becoming nervous about Bernie’s disappearance and Vincent is sent off to the QQF for his third fantasy but Emma is already there, posing as a journalist. Hopkirk tells her about some fantasies — the sinking of the Titanic, Hannibal crossing the alps, riding a Derby winner and an assassination.

She queries the last and Hopkirk pulls out a silenced revolver which he points at her — then reveals that it actually takes photographs. She asks about his clients, “Vincent East, for example”, but he refuses to reveal information about his clients. She departs, telling him she hasn’t exhausted reality when he offers her membership.

After she goes, Vincent is led in and handed the gun, Hopkirk hoping he’s in a “nice, murderous mood”. A short time later, Arkadi calls East at the QQF while his masseuse scratches his arm with a tiger claw glove and tells him Bernie has not returned so he must kill Hopkirk.

Emma and Steed are at his flat, pondering the case and comparing notes.

STEED: Quite, Quite Fantastic. Well that’s turned out to be a dead end. So what was Ronny doing there? I can understand the harem bit. But-
EMMA: harem?
STEED: That was part of the fantasy Ronny ordered.
EMMA: harem … and Bumble said something about the Barabian Embassy. He made a delivery there.
STEED: Barabian Embassy. Harem. Two Agents killed.
EMMA/STEED: Snap!!
EMMA: Hopkirk sometimes dreams up an assassination!

They both cross the living room to check the newspaper which is announcing the visit of Prince Ali. Hopkirk meanwhile conducts the amateur theatricals, but fails to notice Vincent exchange the gun for one of his own that he pulls out of his trousers. Hopkirk despairs of East’s cold attitude, expecting him to be an impassioned assailant and begging him to think murderously. The end result is of course fatal, much to Hopkirk’s surprise,⁶ Vincent taking the fantasy details when he leaves. The Avengers arrive a moment later and find Hopkirk is not quite dead — yet.

STEED: Hopkirk! you’ve arranged another fantasy haven’t you?
HOPKIRK: One too many I’m afraid.
STEED: I mean the assassination of Prince Ali, when’s it to take place?
HOPKIRK: Tonight.
EMMA: How?
HOPKIRK: Too late. (HE DIES)

Arkadi reviews the fantasy details and is impressed with Hopkirk’s skills. Meanwhile, Emma and Steed ponder how the murderer — and they — are to get into the embassy, and what the honey has to do with it. Steed says they can’t just tell the Prince he is under threat as Britain is trading military protection for oil concessions.⁷

Later, at the embassy, the Grand Vizier (Bruno Barnabe) announces the arrival of Effendi Steed, who enters with bowed head and claims to be from the Ministry of… (noticing the wives’ bare feet) Eastern Affairs. He is permitted to gaze of the noble features of Crown Prince Ali Mustashan Ghibrahn of Barabia (Zia Mohyeddin)⁸< who, as soon as the Vizier has left, reveals a passion for cricket. His retainers, guards and wives set up a carpeted cricket pitch and Steed is asked to “keep them coming, that’s a royal command”.

Vincent revisits Arkadi and assures him everything is ready and asks for his payment. Arkadi gives him half of it, as agreed — but all the notes are completely cut in half and worthless until he completes the job, infuriating East.

Prince Ali meanwhile takes a break for tea after smashing a large urn with a cricket ball. He indicates to Steed that the women serving the tea are wife 4 and wife 33.

PRINCE: Charming girl, cost me a bag of salt and four goats. I’ve got lots more out the back.
STEED: Goats??
PRINCE: Wives. Got a lot of them.

The vizier confirms he has 320 wives and Ali notes Steed’s “European eyes flash at the prospect” then explains that this means he also has 320 mothers-in-law! Tea is served and Steed notes the absence of honey — Ali loathes it but says his wives love it, he had three trucks deliver forty jars from Bumble’s that afternoon — and indicates one of the massive man-sized jars, the description getting Steed’s mind racing. However, Ali forbids Steed to inspect them as they’re now in the harem.

Act 3

Steed cajoles Emma into wearing a veil and accompanying him to the Embassy for dinner — only a woman would be able to enter the harem, and he’s sure the killer is hiding in one of the honey jars. She holds out until he suggests she would be to blame if Prince Ali were murdered. She concedes but them he reveals she won’t exactly be a guest, and he queries her size in Turkish trousers…⁹

Arkadi gets dressed for dinner, his serving girl lacing him into a truss¹⁰ but he refuses his gun, he’d never be able to smuggle it in to the Embassy. That evening, Steed presents Ali with a tape recording of the last Test match,¹¹ with some belly dancing music on the other side of the tape. Steed is about to introduce “some entertainment” when Arkadi is announced by the Vizier and presented as a rival bidder for the oil concessions.

STEED: Your Majesty, with your permission … may I present the lustrous, luminous Star of the East — Em-ma!

Emma sensuously performs the dance of the six veils¹² as Prince Ali sits up and takes notice. Prince Ali mutters, “Ma haba, ma haba”¹³ and asks why there were only six veils, there should be one more. Steed explains she was poorly educated and cannot count. Ali is impressed and has her sit alongside him, Steed goes to help her up and she turns to him:

EMMA: What’s your party turn, Giselle?
STEED: Shh, we don’t want to offend the Effendi.

Ali offers Steed twelve goats for Mrs. Peel, which he refuses. Arkadi senses an opportunity to win the oil concession but Steed hastily counters by claiming he meant he could not accept any goats at all, offering Emma as a gift and, much to her dismay, Emma is sent into the harem.

She is shocked to see a guard put her name on the “duty roster” for that night then investigates the honey jars. She finds a honey jar with air holes drilled in it and deduces how the assassin gained entry, but the jar is empty. Steed meanwhile is desperately trying to keep the Crown Prince out of the harem, Arkadi doing his best to thwart him and have Ali retire to enjoy “other entertainments”. Vincent meanwhile is hiding behind the bed of wife 61, Freda, ensuring her silence with his gun.

Ali enters the harem, calling for Emma and she notices Vincent’s revolver poke through the curtains. Emma disarms Vincent and throws him across the hall. They grab scimitars and fight, Steed and Arkadi hearing the commotion. Steed is perturbed when Arkadi says the Prince is known for his ardour; the guards smile and block entry to the harem.

Vincent is vanquished and with Emma’s scimitar against his throat immediately tells them it was Arkadi’s idea and Arkadi runs for the door, shaking out of his jacket which Steed has just grabbed by the collar. In the pocket, Steed finds instructions for Arkadi’s QQF fantasy — “Escape of Arkadi from Pursuing Agents”.

Steed claims Emma as his reward from Ali and they race off. Arkadi reaches the QQF and finds a gun and passport, but Emma stands behind him holding the magic lamp. She rubs it before he can shoot and Steed appears in a puff of smoke then strikes Arkadi with his umbrella. She brushes the lamp accidentally against her trousers and Steed disappears in a second explosion. Hearing a tapping from the floor below, Emma smiles and rubs the lamp a third time and she too vanishes.¹⁴

Epilogue

The Avengers leave on a flying carpet which Steed says came with two dozen nanny goats. Emma asks how you stop it and Steed says that’s a very good question — then we see the carpet is draped over the back of a utility van.

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1. This scene must surely confirm they are more than just good friends. ⭮
2. Breaking the producers directive about showing no blood. ⭮
3. Brian Clemens inserts Colonel Robertson, only ever contacted by phone, into three episodes at the end of series 4 (The House That Jack Built, How to Succeed …. at Murder and Honey for the Prince) and may have been toying with adding a “Mother” boss figure two years earlier than he did. ⭮
4. This is dramatic irony, explaining the location to the viewer rather than to the character. ⭮
5. “Diabolical mastermind” is something of a catchcry for “The Avengers” and is referenced in many episodes. ⭮
6. Hopkirk comically feels his chest unsurely with one hand before dying. ⭮
7. Oil concessions is a very common trope in The Avengers, it appears in: Kill the King, Death à la Carte, The Medicine Men, obliquely in A Touch of Brimstone, Honey for the Prince, as well as tangentially in Obsession. ⭮
8. His wife Ethel yawns widely as he gives Steed his full title, “Ali Mustashan Ghibrahn, Crown Prince of Barabia, Defender of the Faith, Soother of All Souls, Lighter of Dark Corners, Fountain of Wisdom”. ⭮
9. Harking back to the Venus Smith & Cathy Gale era where he regularly tricked his companion into assisting him, then revealing the full extent of what it involves after they’ve agreed. ⭮
10. Throughout the episode, Arkadi has been portrayed as vain and indulgent. ⭮
11. A fictitious recording, involving the players Scott Gordon and Farnes-Barnes. Charlie FarnsBarns (or Farnes-Barnes) is a placeholder character name for unimportant or non-existent characters in British comedies from the 1930s to the 1950s, much like Joe Bloggs or John Doe today. ⭮
12. There was a claim in the Daily Express at the time that this episode was censored, with Carmen Dene’s tiger claw scene trimmed and the dance originally being all seven veils, but I suspect the reporter was being dim and not appreciating the joke. The seventh veil is on her face and she briefly considers plucking it off, which makes Ali smile. To counteract any wowserism in the United States, she wears a jewel in her navel. ⭮
13. "What a gift" or perhaps he means he loves it a lot. ⭮
14. Why bother actually apprehending Arkadi when you can make a joke instead? ⭮