Series 5 — Episode 10
Never, Never Say Die

Plot summary

Steed interrupts a rerun of The Cybernauts, because he needs Mrs. Peel’s help with a corpse that will not die.
The body keeps on walking off and destroying radios. Professor Frank N. Stone of the Neoteric Research Unit is a dead ringer for the body, and Steed’s suspicions are aroused. Mrs. Peel and the local doctor are abducted and trapped within Stone’s laboratory but Steed detects the fake doctor and rushes to the rescue. The replicant of the Professor is discovered to be the genuine article by his three-day growth, and the Avengers attempt to fight their way out. Dr. James uses Steed’s transistor radio to disable the replicants, and the Avengers discover doubles of themselves, Steed’s marked REJECT.
The Avengers settle in to watch television — and discover you would never be able to tell a plastic politician from a real one.

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Prologue

An imposing man strides down a country lane¹ and is struck down by Whittle (Christopher Benjamin), distracted by the car’s radio getting interference. He’s taken to the hospital and pronounced dead on arrival by Dr. Betty James (Patricia English). The nurse (Karen Ford) is calling the morgue when the corpse stands up and marches out, causing the nurse to scream and Whittle to faint.

Act 1

Emma Peel (Diana Rigg) is watching a rerun of The Cybernauts² when John Steed (Patrick Macnee) interrupts the broadcast,³ appearing on screen and saying “Mrs. Peel, we’re needed”.

When she arrives at the hospital, Mrs. Peel is surprised by the absence of a corpse and peers under a gurney looking for it:

EMMA: Where’s the body?
STEED: There isn’t one.
EMMA: No body??
STEED: No body.⁴
EMMA: But there’s always a body!⁵
STEED: There was…
EMMA: Ah!
STEED: But this one got up and walked away.

Dr. James confirms to Emma that the man was dead — no pulse, respiration or hearbeat, and fully dilated pupils, which Mrs. Peel oddly describes as “All the symptoms of death”. Whittle enters and asks the doctor is he can leave, happy that the man is alive, but seems put off by the doctor saying he was dead when she examined him.

WHITTLE: Well… alive or not… he’s up and about again, isn’t he? That’s all that matters.

Whittle retreats out of the hospital and gets back into his car but unfortunately promptly starts fiddling with the car radio as it once again has interference. The ‘dead’ man strides out into the middle of the road in front of the car and Whittle runs him down again. Whittle rushes back to the ward, just as Steed and Mrs, Peel are saying goodbye, shouting wildly:

WHITTLE: Dr. James! I’ve killed him! … I’ve killed him again!

An ambulance arrives at the scene of the accident, containing a pair of white-coated orderlies, Selby (Alan Chuntz) and Carter (Geoffrey Reed), led by Dr. Penrose (Jeremy Young) a wild-eyed doctor in a grey suit and Eton tie. They pick up the ‘dead’ man and put him in the back then the doctor puts a big padlock on the door before taking off, seconds before Dr. James’ hospital ambulance arrives. Whittle, Dr. James, Emma, and Steed get out and find the body has gone.

STEED: It looks as though the dear departed has departed.
EMMA And not a sign of blood.⁶

Emma finds a piece of paper with ‘MOT-NRU’ written on it and Steed wonders if it’s an anagram. Meanwhile, the ‘dead’ man bursts out of the back of the ambulance, sending Carter flying, and marches into the woods.

After returning to the hospital, Emma decides to go and investigate what ‘MOT-NRU’ means while Steed remains in the village.

The ‘dead’ man goes on a rampage, smashing radios and attacking their owners: a young man (David Gregory) having a picnic; a radio in a cottage window,⁷; and an elderly gent (Arnold Ridley) playing with a radio-controlled boat. Although each time the old man uses the controls for the boat, the ‘dead’ man changes direction and eventually marches off into the woods without attacking him.⁸ In the woods, he finds a Sergeant (John Junkin) and Private (Peter Dennis), skiving off from manœveurs. When the Sergeant answers a call from their Major on the radio, the ‘dead’ man attacks them, flinging the Private through the air and, despite tasking a full magazine of bullets in the chest from the Sergeant’s Sten gun, calmly smashes the radio.

Act 2

The Sergeant tells Steed and Dr. James he emptied an entire magazine into the man’s chest without effect, and the man had gone into the forest. Steed heads for the forest at the same time as the mysterious ambulance leaves the Ministry of Technology — Neoterric Research Unit (MOT-NRU!) and they converge on a cottage in the woods.

Steed arrives first and finds a note in the diary of a Professor F. N. Stone,⁹ regarding radio interference from George Eccles of Aerial Cottage. He’s attacked by the ‘dead’ man and saved from certain death by the arrival of the scientists; he slips away as they truss him up and follows the ambulance to the research unit, noting the sign on the gate.

Inside, they hustle the captured man down the corridor, still wrapped in a huge net and wearing manacles, but Penrose stops Selby from entering the experimental section:

PENROSE: You know the regulations. Grade A personnel only.
SELBY: But it’s a-
PENROSE: It’s alright, everything’s ready. Professor Stone can handle him.

Penrose wheels the gurney into the experimental section and Carter (Geoffrey Reed) closes the door and barred gate behind him.

Steed has returned to the hosiptal, where Dr James marvels at the iron constitution of the mystery man. Just then, Mrs. Peel bursts in with an importnant look on her face.

EMMA: Steed! MOT-NRU stands for-
STEED: Ministry of Technology, Neoteric Research Unit.
EMMA: (COOLY) Good guess…

Steed tells Emma the NRU is a mile away, and Emma explains that “neoteric” means “modern, futuristic, advanced”¹⁰ — and the ministry wouldn’t say a word about it. Dr. James chips in that it’s a research facility run by a man called Stone.

DR. JAMES: Professor Frank N. Stone.¹¹

At hearing the name, Steed takes out the diary page and hands it to Emma. She scans it quickly and decides to investigate while Steed visits the professor, leaving Dr. James grinning in their wake.

At the Research Unit, Steed is brought to Penrose by Carter. Steed claims to be from Security, checking the unit for a visit by VIPS the following week. They discuss the unit, Penrose refusing to discuss his research with Steed when Professor Stone (Christopher Lee), walks in — he’s the ‘dead’ man who’s been causing all the trouble!

Act 3

Emma visits George Eccles (David Kernan) — she stops at the door and seems to hear two Russians discussing a plot against the Queen. She bursts in and discovers George is a harmless shortwave radio enthusiast who plays chess against opponents from around the world, putting on accents as he plays them.¹²

EMMA: Mr. Geroge Eccles?
ECCLES: That’s right… (HOLDS UP SMALL DOG) And this is Twiggy, she’s quite harmless really.
EMMA: This is Mrs. Peel, and I’m quite harmless too.
ECCLES: Yes… well, I’m afraid you’ve caught me at a rather inopportune moment, it’s my daily chess hour, you see. There’s nothing like a game of chess to improve international relations.

Eccles finishes his chess and confirms he knows Professor Stone, who has been hounding him for month about his radios causing interference.

Back at the Research Unit, Stone is complaining about Steed being a different kind of intereference — their security is a faultless and he objects to Steed checking up on him. Steed learns that the Professor rarely leaves the unit, and hasn’t visited the village or his cottage in months. Perplexed, he reminds Stone that three government ministers are about to visit and asks they go over the arrangements again.¹³

Eccles meanwhile is telling Mrs. Peel that Stone objected to him using high frequencies — 540 Megacycles;¹⁴ they tune in to see what’s there and the Professor immediately suffers a migraine. Penrose terminates the interview with Steed, rushing the professor out to the experimental section.

PENROSE: Perhaps Mr. Steed, you won’t mind if we continue this discussion at some later date?
STEED: (VERY PUZZLED) Not at all… Are you sure it’s not serious?
PENROSE: Nothing we can’t handle! (RUSHES OFF)

Steed notices the radio equipment in the office registering activity, and, on his way out of the unit, a sign forbidding transistor radios outside.

Stone smashes his way out of the unit, pursued by Penrose and his men. Eccles meanwhile is explaining that tuning in to high frequencies can interfere with scientific instruments when there’s a crash outside. Emma investigates but when she returns Eccles is dead and his radios all destroyed.

She meets Steed at the hospital and tells him what happened, while he explains that the Professor looks exactly like their mysterious ‘dead’ man. Emma then decides to visit Stone’s cottage while Steed revisits the NRU, forcing Stone to reveal his research and admit to the problems.

Stone unlocks a cage in the experimental section and shows him a ‘duplicate’ of himself — a plastic-skinned replica which is self-repairing and self creating, infused with all his thoughts and memories via a brain transfusion process — great minds need never die!

STEED: Why does it have to look like you?
STONE: “In my own image”, you mean? Vanity perhaps, I was the first of the guinea pigs.

He says the duplicate has had its memory wiped following the problems, but the Mk 2, currently under wraps, will be perfect. When they leave, the Mk 1 duplicate slowly opens its eyes…¹⁵

Act 4

Mrs. Peel arrives at the cottage and finds a few notes then locates some folded plans hidden behind a drawer in the desk. Meanwhile, back at the Research Unit, Professor Stone tries to ensure he has Steed onside:

STONE: …So you will appreciate the need for absolute secrecy, Mr. Steed. If we are to preserve our finest minds, in a matter of ten or twenty years we shall outstrip every other nation. There’s be no limit whatsoever to our advancement!

Steed says he doesn’t relish the idea of permanent politicians and Stone assures him the subjects will be from the creative fields, with careful controls in place. Steed takes his leave and Penrose and Stone discuss their problems with radio interference, and Stone suggests the answer may lie in their earlier papers, which Emma had unearthed at the cottage.

She rings the hospital, looking for Steed but Dr. James is cut off when Carter and Selby snatch the phone off her — she turns with a shout as they manhandle her and is shocked to find herself face to face with her duplicate! After Dr. James is led away, her duplicate strides over and angrily picks up a transistor radio.

Penrose appears at the cottage and holds Emma at gun point and demands she hand over the plans.A short time later, Steed arrives at the hospital looking for Mrs. Peel and is told she phones to say she’s returned to town.

Pensrose meanwhile has taken Mrs. Peel to the NRU experimental section and lead her in. Inside the inner lab, she turns suddenly and karate chops his arm and chest, but he just stands there smiling at her.¹⁶ Surprised, she allows herself to be locked in the cage. Inside, Emma notices Stone’s duplicate has stubble on his chin, and Penrose and Dr. James, who are both lying there, are also the real thing. Dr. James wakes as she strokes her forehead, leading Mrs. Peel to ponder:

EMMA: If you’re the real one, who’s minding the store?

Back at the hospital, Steed finds thee doctors bland repetition puzzling and when he notices the smashed radio the penny drops — he locks James’ duplicate in a store room before rushing over to the NRU, where he confronts Stone about Dr. James. Stone tells him the second model downstairs was of Pensore, not Dr. James. When he admits that Penrose makes the faces, Steed deduces Penrose has been replaced by a duplicate.

Stone calls Penrose in, strapping him to the brain transfuser,¹⁷ and drains his memory and they go to release Mrs. Peel — but Penrose hasn’t been fully drained, and manages to turn the dials on the machine to reverse the process.

STONE: Mrs. Peel! Dr. James! I do apologise, I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I hope you haven’t come to any harm.
EMMA: Untouched by human hands¹⁸… do you have a key?

Stone unlocks the door and Steed enters the cage, telling Emma she has the real Dr. Penrose and Dr. James in the cage with her. Mrs. Peel subtly indicates the stubble on the supposed duplicate of the professor and they slips out the door, but Mrs. Peel can’t resist confronting the now-exposed duplicate.

EMMA: Whoever heard of a robot growing a beard? You’re a duplicate! Come on doctor!

They make a break for the door but Stone’s duplicate pushes Dr. James back in the cage and slams the door. At the same time, Penrose’s duplicate appears at the outer door and the Avengers are trapped between two cold, robotic killers. Stone’s duplicate gloats at them:

STONE: We duplicates are programmed to survive, Mr. Steed. We are programmed to take over. Your ministers will arrive on their tour of inspection, but duplicates will leave. Duplicates so perfect they will defy detection.
(STEED pulls out a small radio)
STEED: (TO EMMA) Y’want the latest cricket scores?
EMMA: Mm-hmm, frequency 540.¹⁹

Steed can’t set the small radio to jam the duplicates’ circuits as he drops it when they attack and it slides across the room towards the cage. Dr. James struggles to reach it, using one of her shoes, while Steed and Mrs. Peel absolutely belt Penrose and Stone’s duplicates, to no effect. Dr. James manages to tunes the radio, stopping the robots in their tracks just as they’re about to strangle our heroes.

A door opens, revealing a duplicate Emma and Steed, which they approach and appraise. Mrs. Peel notices the glint in Steed’s eye as he examines her duplicate.

EMMA: Do you find her attractive?
STEED: Not a patch on you; how about him?
(EMMA removes the duplicate’s bowler and reveals the word ‘REJECT’ written across its forehead.)
BOTH LAUGH

Epilogue

At her flat that night, Steed and Emma watch television — they flick through a Western, a pop programme, a cop show in rapid succesion. Steed turns off in disgust, lamenting the lack of anything of any depth, warmth, humanity — or dare he suggest, a touch of humour. Emma smiles and switches over tp a political broadcast and they realise with horror that no-one would ever notice the difference between a politician and a plastic duplicate.

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1. From his first appearance, he marches about like Frankenstein’s monster and with it being Christopher Lee the audience would have immediately have got the joke. ⭮
2. Self-referential post-modernist television: It’s near the end of the episode, with the cybernauts smashing through boxes then fighting each other in the basement warehouse. ⭮
3. Part of the recurring motif of interference in this episode. ⭮
4. The shooting script has an extra line for Diana Rigg here, and she then peers under the gurney, but the visual gag was moved to the beginning of the scene and the line cut:

   EMMA: You’re joking… trying to make me feel insecure… you’ve got it hidden away somewhere… concealed…

   ⭮
5. More post-modernism: The Avengers makes fun of its own formulaic structure. ⭮
6. The Avengers sends itself up again — the production rules stated there was to be no blood shown on screen, although they did rarely break the rule. ⭮
7. I feel this is another, more oblique, Frankenstein reference. ⭮
8. Subtle exposition: if you hadn’t got it yet that he was a radio-controlled (or radio-affected) robot, this would clarify it for you. ⭮
9. The shooting script reveals his middle name is Norman but as that detracts from the Frankenstein joke it’s not used in the final episode. ⭮
10. Paging Basil Exposition… ⭮
11. The icing on the Frankenstein cake. ⭮
12. An opportunity for some unfortunate Sixties casual racism, especially with the Japanese opponent, Takashi, played by a Chinese actor. Both Eccles and Mrs. Peel mispronounce their Rs and Ls. ⭮
13. A very subtle exposition of the plot. ⭮
14. 540MHz (MegaHertz) today, putting it in the low end of the UHF (ultra-high frequency) band. ⭮
15. An homage this time to Christopher Lee’s vampire movies. ⭮
16. In case you hadn’t guessed, he’s a duplicate as well. ⭮
17. Another classic horror film homage. ⭮
18. Was this delicious line an ad lib by Diana Rigg? It’s different to what’s in both versions of this scene in the script. ⭮
19. I’m not sure Steed’s tiny transistor radio would be capable of 540MHz, it looks like an AM model. ⭮